As time winds down on my pregnancy, I find myself getting more and more nervous. A couple months back, TJ was telling me how he was nervous and scared about having this tiny baby completely dependent upon us. I was all, "don't be nervous, why are you nervous?" and acting like it was no big deal. I guess maybe it hadn't hit me yet because with each passing day...I realize my fears are there! I told a friend today...I'm kind of scared sh*tless. The days are few!
I'm sure this is normal, right?
I am worried I will sleep through his cries - that I will lose track of the time he was last fed - that I won't be on top of everything he needs.
I'm scared we'll have sleeping troubles.
I have a fear he will come out and the ultrasound tech will have gotten it wrong...and he'll be a girl. Not that this would be awful. I'd just be ill-prepared! (For the record I have no idea why I'm afraid of this).
I am afraid I will have a hard time losing the baby weight.
I am really, really scared of experiencing Post-partum Depression. This is probably one of my biggest fears. I make no secret that I've struggled with depression and anxiety for more than ten years anyway...so this fear has been with me throughout pregnancy. I hope and pray I do not experience this, partially for selfish reasons of course, but also because of how it would impact our baby.
I am worried that breastfeeding won't work out. I know if it doesn't, it isn't the end of the world, but I really want to be successful - and patient.
Speaking of patience, I'm worried I'm going to have a hard time with it. I'm not the most patient person anyway.
I am scared of being exhausted all the time and taking out my exhaustion on my husband.
I'm nervous about how motherhood will impact my job. It might be more accurate to say my ability to do my job well.
I am already worried about school for him. We don't live in the greatest (elementary) school district. It's certainly not the worst but of course you want the best. TJ has this worry as well. We've talked about private school, moving, etc. We have some time, thankfully, and there's always the (small) possibility we will be redistricted to a better school.
I'm afraid of having no "me" time. This is selfish, and I know this going into it. Maybe the better thing to say is, I'm afraid of how I'll adapt to having no me time.
Again, with each passing day...I think of one more thing to be afraid of, to worry about. I'm trying to just take deep breaths and not stress. This is going to happen and fear isn't doing me a bit of good! I KNOW my life is about to change...for the better. We are about to have the greatest gift in the world, one we waited a really long time for, and it's going to be amazing. I believe and know all of this to be true, and I'm super excited, just a little nervous!
Mommas...what helped to allay your fears prior to giving birth?
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Monday, August 25, 2014
- 34 weeks, 3 days. We are FIVE weeks away from meeting our little mister!
- He is the size of a butternut squash, according to The Bump.com, or a cantaloupe, if you're using Babycenter. He should be between 4 and 5 lbs and about 18 inches long! Wow! It's no wonder he seems so cramped in there.
- I had my second NST (Non-Stress Test) this past week and again, the results were great! Thank goodness. My doctor looked at my test results, BP, weight, urine, measured, etc. and told me he had no complaints (though he did comment on my swollen feet and tell me to keep them up as much as possible). I told him the scale was killing me even though I was exercising and watching what I ate. He attributed it to the fluid/swelling in my feet and said he was satisfied with everything else. However...
- At my last 2 appointments I've noticed he's checked "high risk" on my check-out form. Eeek!
- I complain that I have to use the bathroom all night, yet I've realized...I'm drinking water every time I get up. I'm just so thirsty all the time! By the time I get up in the morning my 24 oz. tervis tumbler is done.
- There are times it feels hard to catch my breath for no real reason. My guess is that this is the uterus pressing on the diaphragm, which I've read about.
- There's not really a position that's comfortable these days. I'm spending a lot of time with my feet propped up and that isn't even that comfortable.
- Last Thursday I am pretty sure my child did not sleep at all. He was a wild little mover all.day.long!
- I taught one class and got one other workout in last week....not much.
- Any ab muscles I once had? Gone. I got my eyebrows waxed Friday and had a hard time getting up off the table! #embarrassing
- My patience is wearing thinner than ever before. I'm not necessarily proud of it but I've certainly noticed. Whoops.
- I've already noticed myself wondering, "Is this acceptable to wear to daycare? Will he fit in with the other
kidsbabies?" I guess these are the things parents worry about?! I should have paid more attention to what those babies were wearing the times I've been to his school...however I've decided I buy too many "sleepers." I know I just need to stop for now because we're going to have almost 3 months at home before he goes to school, plus I have no idea how big he'll be when he's born!
- There is a carseat in my car now (well, the base at least). That is a bit to wrap my head around!
- Our glider still isn't here. It is stressing me out because I feel like I can't "finish" the nursery till it is in place (hanging things and such).
Monday, August 18, 2014
- 33 weeks & 3 days - it really does not seem possible!
- Baby is the size of a "Durian," according to The Bump.com. Because I had no idea what that was, I had to check Babycenter - which said Pineapple. Now, TheBump said pineapple at 31 weeks, so who knows?! Either way - he should be more than 4 lbs and about 17 inches in length. Holy crap! My belly continues to measure right on track so I'm counting that as a WIN!
- I had my first NST (Non-Stress Test) last week. The results were great (thank goodness!) It was sort of uncomfortable and hard to sit still for an extended period of time, what with being tightly strapped up with those monitors, but it was totally fine. I have to do it every week now - ugh!
- I had some emotional days this past week. I got frustrated with a coworker...and I cried. A friend sent me an article...and I cried. (In case you're interested, here's the article: A letter to my pre-mom self)
- I'm pretty sure Luke was practicing gymnastics in my belly this past week, and doing handstands off my right hip! It felt like he was pressing on it for at least a portion of every day. A couple of times, judging by the way my belly moved - I think he flipped himself over.
- I'm happy to say I got a couple workouts in! Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I worked out with Suzanne's streaming workouts. Suzanne is the creator of BarreAmped (the method I teach) and brings fitness to you wherever you are with her streaming workouts at SuzanneBowenFitness.com. I'm not being compensated to share this - I just love the workouts! There's a free trial, too ;)
- I feel like my nose is different. I hear this happens to pregnant women sometimes. I don't love my nose anyway so I am not entirely about this recent development.
- I've mentioned some minor swelling before. Well, last week it was worse than usual. Both feet were swollen (previously isolated to one side) and I noticed some swelling in my hands too. I took my rings off Tuesday night because I was afraid they'd end up stuck. My ankles/feet look embarrassing by the end of the day. They really don't even look that great in the morning! Sadly, it's pretty much an every day occurrence now.
- TJ was gone for work 4 days last week. He told me he could my belly had grown while he was away.
- We had our last baby shower over the weekend. I have a TON of thank you notes to write! We've been very showered and so very blessed by our friends and family.
Here's a side-by-side look at the last 3 weeks...